Lost Energy

 

I take energy.

I take it from the song I click play to, 

The snack I grab from the top kitchen cabinet, 

The bouquet of flowers I bought myself sitting in front of the window of my bedroom,

The sun peeking through the blinds of my room, 

 

I exchange energy.

I exchange energy sparking up a conversation with a stranger, 

Going in to hug my friend, 

Sending a text, 

Sitting in one’s presence, 

Sharing content I’ve created online.

It all feels good, the taking and the exchanging. 

But then I lose energy.

I lose energy to my tired feet that I’ve been standing on all day, 

The meals I don’t want to cook,

The homework assignments I procrastinate to complete, 

The gym I don’t want to show up to,

And to the mattress of my bed I sink into like a hole I cannot get out of.

And when I lose it, I ask for energy

I ask for it as I show my face to the sun,

when I am talking to a friend, 

as I squeeze my stuffed animal, 

I ask for the gym to give me it, 

I ask my journal for it, the mirror for it, 

I cry asking for it, 

I am asking and they’re not giving it to me, not today.

Not the way they usually do. 

I’m glued to the bed 

I am watching time slip away 

I am tasting my own tears.

So I watch it. 

I watch energy as it slips out of my body 

Onto the floor of my bedroom

like white fog that you can see 

But can’t capture.

Where did it all go?

And why does my body feel hollow?