I’d rather feel lonely.

I’d rather feel lonely 

I’d rather feel lonely than be in a relationship that tears me apart into pieces.

I’d rather feel lonely than settle for someone who can’t meet my needs.

I’d rather feel lonely than question everyday if I am enough for you. 

I’d rather feel lonely than go back to a person who broke me. 

I’d rather feel lonely than jump into something I am not sure I want. 

I’d rather feel lonely than be gaslit and manipulated. 

I’d rather feel lonely than be in a relationship with someone who’s using me to fill a void.

I’d rather feel lonely than be in a relationship with someone who I’m using to fill a void.

I’d rather feel lonely than be in a relationship with someone who chose me out of loneliness. 

I’d rather feel lonely than be in a relationship that I chose out of loneliness.

I’d rather feel every minute of the awful body pains, the feelings of worthlessness, the feelings of being not enough for anyone, and being the “one they didn’t choose.” I would rather feel my heart and chest hurt while all I can see is red and the tears are pouring out of my eyes like waterfalls as I am trying to catch a breath during yet another breakdown, than be in a relationship or in contact with someone for the wrong reasons. 

I’ll sit here in my scary emotions on these bad days. And even when it gets really tough, and all I want is you, or just for a person to love me, or for me to love... I will simply choose me. Because

I would rather feel lonely. It’s only temporary.

And it’ll be so worth it in the end.  

-using other people to fill voids never actually works. You just think it does.

 

Some more thoughts about loneliness:

We often take the quick easy path to heal our weaknesses and insecurities. “It’s convenient, it feels good in the moment, it can’t be that harmful right?” 
If you keep looking for highs to ride, know that those come crashing down eventually. At the end of the day we only have ourselves. Depending on others to validate us, to cure loneliness, to make us feel confident, worthy, really anything.. it won’t last. We need to heal those things within ourselves. It will take long, it won’t be easy, but eventually it will start to work. You will realize you don’t need a significant other to feel special, loved, and valuable. It is all within us. Don’t let your unhealed wounds bleed into your future. Stay lonely, it’s only temporary. The cure to loneliness is yourself, not someone else.

The greatest love you can receive is the love you give to yourself.

Give yourself everything you want someone else to give you. At the end of the day you only have yourself. 

-Ali Marriott